Beards. There’s no getting around them. They’re pretty much the most manly thing you can have, if you’re a man. Come to think of it it’s the most manly thing you can have if you’re a woman, too. They are big and hair and powerful and make you look at least 20,0005.3a% more manly and they also allow you to lift much heavier weights and do two armbars at the same time. Possibly even a toe hold too, although toe holds are slightly less manly than armbars. Beards also add 25% choke resistance – most people will be grossed out by the thick, slightly pungent facial hairs getting tangled up in their girlish nails as they try (feebly) to choke you (as if).<\/p>\n
These beards are infused with the actual beard hairs of Zeus* and have been blessed at the Temple of Chuck Norris** . They also have the Official Seal of Fantasticness & Bloody Great from Brian Blessed***.<\/p>\n
*This is an unverified statement<\/p>\n
**Actually my spare bedroom with a signed picture of Chuck Norris from 1997<\/p>\n
***May not be entirely true<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Beards. There’s no getting around them. They’re pretty much the most manly thing you can have, if you’re a man. Come to think of it it’s the most manly thing you can have if you’re a woman, too. They are big and hair and powerful and make you look at least 20,0005.3a% more manly and<\/p>\n